No he DIDUNT!

Every day for lunch, I get the joyous opportunity to eat lunch in our employee cafeteria. It's a fun time, surrounded by fellow employees you don't get to see all the time. Recently the eating habits of a coworker has been brought to my attention. I believe it was a few weeks ago, maybe on pasta day. Anna pointed out his plate and all our jaws dropped. He had 4-6 pieces of garlic toast on his plate. If I eat one I am filled with guilt and shame, even though I have to admit, those suckers are greasy, buttery and delicious. Ever since that episode, we like to keep our eyes open to see what he eats next. Recently his sandwich creation was 3 layers of bread, ridiculously stuffed with meat. I have no idea how he put that into his mouth.

Today's creation was 2 layers of flour tortillas smothered with gobs of shredded cheese, another layer of ground meat and cheese added and nuked in the microwave. After this had melted, he added ANOTHER fistful of cheese and made a burrito concoction out of it. Besides this enormous meat and cheese surprise, a large bowl of vanilla pudding...completely filled to the top. We just stared at him with our big eyes and watched him prepare his lunch. I felt the pounds increase on my ass just watching this incredible feat. Never in a million years could I bring myself to gorge like that.

I'm so jealous. I want his tapeworm.

Hmmmm

Interesting thought I just had - what do you do when all your social media outlets are tied into your personal/professional life? Where do you go to vent about things when you are "too connected?"

Let me know the answer because I've begun to realize the hole I'm in, and I need to dig my way out.

I yarn bombed my mailbox

Treatment 1

And so it began. Saturday was the day. How funny that I spent the day before searching the internet for "first day experiences" and didn't come up with squat. So I vow to be as descriptive as possible, so you newbies know what to expect on your first visit.

I'll admit it, I didn't sleep so well the night before. I had a few nightmares and couldn't get the thought of pain out of my head. Browsing through internet forums I would find statements like "If the treatment isn't painful, then they aren't doing it right." Crap. My free consultation did not mention any intense pain. Yes, the tride and true statement of a rubber band snap pain repeating itself in my mind. This won't be bad Dawn. I mean, they would warn you if the pain was unbearable, right?

I walk into the office and check in. After a few minutes of signing my contract and going over privacy policies, the numbing cream is mentioned. I gathered that the cream they use it specific to the company and is bought ahead of treatment time. I didn't ask about price as I was firmly confident I would not need any type of numbing cream - I am no wimp, and I also took a hydrocodone ahead of time :)

It's my time and I am called into the treatment room. My lady doing my zapping introduces herself and goes over the basics. She reads my chart, and she tells me to disrobe from the waist down after she walks out of the room. No problem, I've done this process with waxing my pink parts all the time. I am no amateur and have no shame at showing my nether areas to qualified professionals. She walks in and begins to mark the area in sections, with a white grease pencil. Pictures are taken of the pre-treated area and here is where the fun begins. Sunglasses are handed to me and stress balls. She smiles, and tells me to use them to squeeze when the pain is bad. Wait, i wonder, it's going to be bad? Like to the point I need to distract myself? I ask her if it's going to hurt and she says yes. Oh great. I also get the wonderful news that as my first treatment, the laser will be set on the lowest setting. As the treatments progress and my hair lightens and thins, the laser will need to be at a higher level to zap the remaining hairs and the pain will be more intense. Shit.

Zap, zap, zap, zap....I squeeze those balls till I feel I may rip them apart. The pain, oh my God the pain. And where did my hydrocodone high go to?!!!?!? I think the laser zapped it all away. She finishes the section and asks how I'm doing. Rubber band snap my ass. It's more like a small group of needles quickly poking your skin. I nod my head and start the small talk to keep my mind occupied. It's kinda hard to speak when I'm holding my breath and tensing my legs. But miraculously it's over very quickly. The pain subsides and I'm left with a swollen, bright pink mess of an area. She laughs about my checking the "skin is not sensitive" box. I remark that's it is my first time with a laser, so I wasn't sure how I would react. From the looks of it, my skin freaked out and died on me. Covered in red circular blotches, she tells me I shouldn't sweat, or irritate the area for a day since my reaction looks so bad. I'm given hydro-cortisone and aloe and told to reapply 4 times a day until the damage goes down. I put my bottoms back on, schedule my next appointment in July and ask about the numbing cream. I am NOT going through this again without help.

Over the next few days, my pubic area has done quite well. I was not in any sort of pain afterwards, just a little bit shocked and swollen. Within a day, the pinkness had worn off and I was back to normal. Now I have the shedding process to look forward to. Within 1-3 weeks, the majority of hair will fall out and by mid July, I'll be ready for my next treatment.

So far, so good. I'm happy and just anxious to see how much hair comes back in the next few weeks. Updates to follow!